It happened. I’m sure you are wondering, “what happened.” I fell directly into a trap that I could have avoided but chose not to. I confronted a colleague and it wasn’t pretty. Now let’s be clear, I was responding to a situation. I very rarely start things but I will finish them. God is yet working on me but this one hit a little bit different for me.
I opened my email on Sunday afternoon (first mistake because that’s the Lord’s day) to find that I was copied on an email along with my higher ups and a few other colleagues and MY name was being pulled through the mud! The nerve! I later found out that I was collateral damage but in that moment I felt the direct hit. I didn’t even think before I allowed my fingers to hit the keys of my phone. I laugh now because after I hit the send button my husband asked me if I stopped to read what I had written. He knew without me saying a word that there was an issue. My whole demeanor changed and the remainder of my Sunday was ruined. So yes, I did it. I admit. I reacted and in that moment I didn’t care whose feelings were hurt.
That evening after I calmed down and shut down the house, I sat down to do my devotional and would you believe that the scripture reference was Psalms 46:10! Why now Lord? Why this scripture? I know it like the back of my hand but I hadn’t acted on it earlier that day. The Holy Spirit rushed in with swift conviction and it was like I was being confronted with this question, “Don’t you know that I will fight for you?” Man! I will tell you what happened next but before I get into the details let me encourage you a little bit. First of all, we are human. We will all be confronted with situations that test our faith. We will make mistakes but when our Heavenly Father lovingly convicts us we must respond. If you are wondering why, I’m glad you asked:
He Loves us
It is because of this love that He disciplines us as a Loving Father should. (Hebrews 12:6). This discipline is not fault finding or condemning (Romans 8:1).
He wants what is best for us
This isn’t scriptural but I’ve heard it said that, “God’s correction is His protection.” He is the Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End. He knows what’s next and He understands that we will get caught up occasionally in earthly distractions. He doesn’t want us to lose sight of our eternal goal.
He wants to sharpen our sensitivity to His voice
God speaks and it is often in a still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12). Don’t disregard this gentle nudge. That’s the Spirit of God that He has placed on the inside of us. It helps us to discern right from wrong. It also leads us into all truth (John 16:13) even if the truth that is revealed hurts.
He wants to get the glory out of our lives
When we are convicted in any way it is for our good and for the glory of God. He wants us to walk in freedom and have victory in every area of our lives. We can’t do this if we are weighed down with offense, anger, resentment, regret, etc. We are supposed to be the light (Matthew 5:16) and if there is anything dimming this light, we shouldn’t want any parts of it.
So I apologized. After praying and pulling myself together, I put an apology in writing and sent it to my co-worker. What’s funny is I had the backing of others in the building who were privy to the exchange and the nature of the initial email. They felt that I was wronged as well BUT that didn’t matter. Although it was about me, it wasn’t. Sounds strange, right? My apology wasn’t about me. It was about my relationship with the Lord. It was about me responding to His correction. It was about me having the courage of my convictions.